Dude Looks Like a Lady

Koh Tao, 6/17/11

It's been hours since Chickenpalooza and, after we finally return to Koh Tao, I'm famished. My body is aching for its poultry fix, and with plenty of nearby dealers, I quickly gorge on chicken satay skewers with a spicy curry dipping sauce, chili teriyaki shishkebabs with pineapple and tomato, and refreshingly light shrimp and crab summer rolls with a roasted peanut nam pla dipping sauce.

Dirty, sweaty, covered in cracked paint, and dehydrated, Remco and I are craving water. Inside us and around us. It seemed like a good idea at the time to gatecrash the neighboring hostel's pool, until I pass out for four hours and awaken a newly ripe tomato.

We join our new California friends at the local ladyboy cabaret a few streets over from Big Blue. If I was in the same state as the Full Moon Party, I would not have recognized these unbelievable dancers as men. Even 24 hours later it's hard to tell. Most have rail thin bodies, long flowing locks, giant silicone breasts, and no Adam's apple. They all wear elaborate costumes straight out of Carnival. The show lasts for two hours, during which the stars put on intricately choreographed numbers. Highlights include Gaga's "Born this Way", Rihanna's "S&M", and a flawless rendition of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video including the moves and attire. If I wasn't still dehydrated, heat stricken, and slightly nauseous, I would join Remco and the other male audience members on stage as they get dressed up in wigs, glasses, and ornate padded bras and prance around in their skivvies. I'm not sure if this audience participation component is to mock the tourists or the prove a point about the difficulty in transforming oneself into a convincing member of the opposite sex.

Despite thoroughly enjoying Remco's evolution into a ladyboy, my favorite sight of the evening actually comes from the audience as three generations of one family (grandmother, mother, and granddaughter) sit in the front row, sipping sodas and cheering on the show. Mom and grandmother must have been at the Full Moon Party drinking mushroom shakes because no sane person would bring a 12-year old girl to a show like this. I imagine the exchange going something like this,

• "Honey, what do you feel like doing tonight?"
• "I want to drink mango lassis out of a sippy straw and listen to Justin Bieber on my iPod"
• "How about you join your grandmother and I in the front row of a cabaret show as dozens of convincing transvestites flash fake breasts inches away from your face and simulate sex moves while Britney Spears' 'Till the End of the World' plays?"
• "I guess that's roughly analogous to what I had in mind"