I know I haven't showered in a while and don't smell fantastic. I also know my travel beard is beginning to look like a secret garden made of less-desirable nether hair. But all that said, this ostrich is being overly melodramatic with this suicide attempt. First of all, shoving her long furry gray neck into a crevasse in the wooden gate is never going to work. It's definitely not sharp enough and her trainer is way too fast. Secondly, she doesn't smell that great either and she looks positively ridiculous with her head stuck in the gate, feathered black and white body flailing behind. Stop being a drama queen, ostrich. I know it is unfortunate that your young trainer never honored you with a name, but it's reason for a suicide attempt.
