Highway to Hell

Vientiane, Laos -> Hanoi, Vietnam, 7/21/11

My friends Ashley, from the UK, and her boyfriend Yom, from France, took the cheap way out.

It wasn't the duration of the thirty hour bus trip from Central Laos to Northern Vietnam that was necessarily painful. But rather, the endless fighting with the Vietnamese bus staff, who were rude, angry, and intentionally separated the European couple from adjacent seats for no apparent reason while laughing amongst themselves. Or maybe it was the fact that all the pillows and blankets went to the local Vietnamese, many of whom had two or three, while travelers got bubkis. Or maybe it was the unplanned five-hour detour in the middle of the night at a brothel, during which all of the Vietnamese men departed for a midnight snack, while the bus was turned off and sat dormant, sans-AC in 100-degree heat. Or maybe it was the fact that when people departed the bus to catch some fresh air during this nookie stop, they had the pleasure of shaking hands Vietnamese-style with several of the lovely young women of the house. I wouldn't call the handshakes typical, as the Vietnamese ladies used their hands, but instead of reaching for another palm, they went straight for the groin. I guess that's just the custom of Northern Vietnam. Fine by me, I guess, but not so much for 6-year old Johnny, who left the bus with his father and now needs to be taught a more traditional greeting.

Ashley and Yom arrive in Hanoi after 1.5 days -- bodies sores, reeking of cheap 7-Eleven perfume from the handshakes, and fully exhausted. It's really too bad they didn't join me on my flight. It was actually quite pleasant, only $100 more than the bus ($140 vs. $40) and just over an hour-and-a-half. So I arrive in Vietnam in style, nearly two days early, new friends in tow.