How to Nurse a 7-Hour Layover

Tokyo, 8/10/11

A quick primer for when one is stuck in Tokyo's Narita airport for seven hours beginning at 10pm.

Vegetable tempura soba

Do:

• Eat a piping hot bowl of soba, with thick, al dente buckwheat noodles, shredded scallions, and tempura vegetables. The dish will be exorbitantly expensive compared to every other noodle soup you have consumed in Southeast Asia (at $10, roughly 10x), but it will help melt away the loneliness of the cold, sterile, empty airport
• Try (futilely) to sneak into the various airport lounges by pretending to be a frequent traveler, explaining you have lost your frequent flier card, attempting to persuade them that you are a lost child, telling that of course you have applied for that gold card that grants you acceptance it just hasn't arrived in the mail yet.
• Occupy your time by perusing all the luxury retailers including Tiffany's, Cartier, Louis Vuitton, Coach, and Gucci, pretending to be an infinitely discerning patron, despite being quite aromatic with an unshowered chic appearance
• Constantly use the bathroom. As mentioned in one of my original posts, the toilets are so futuristic, you will feel like you're aboard the Starship Enterprise. Bring a book or a magazine and hang out for a couple hours playing with the multitude of heat settings, massages, flushes and bidets. Potentially sing a little jig. Rinse and repeat.
• Visit all the Japanese souvenir shops multiple times, trying to get as many free samples of sake, banana cakes, dried fruit, and candies as possible. If necessary, put on sunglasses or a hat so they don't recognize you during your seventh trip to the sake sample table.

Takoyaki

Do NOT:

• Eat the airport cafeteria's "Takoyaki" -- octopus balls. They will appear very tempting as octopi are quite delicious as far as Cephalopoda go, and fritters are typically fantastic. So how could the combination be bad? Plus, a large advertisement explains, "if you've never tried Takoyaki, you must! It's Japan's must-have snack," and then goes on to describe the balls' provenance. I understand that it may be hard to resist. But hold steady, my friends. The Takoyaki are small bready fritters, roughly the size of golf balls. Eight of them come in a small cardboard box, appearing almost like eggs in a carton. They have the consistency of fresh Pillsbury dinner rolls and are covered in shaved bonito flakes and herbs. The octopus inside is chewy and barely distinguishable and seems to be mixed with some sort of off-tasting, alien creamy mayonnaise substance. They're topped with a salty, sticky sauce tastes like an extremely reduced stock that certainly does little to help the dish. Have a second soba instead.
• Try to go in to Tokyo's center. You are about 45 minutes away, the trains are no longer running, and cabs will be north of $200 one way.
• Attempt to get any sleep. There are no comfortable benches and all the seating has metal armrests which makes lying down impossible. The only sleep option is to curl up in the fetal position on the grey carpeted floor, which feels like abrasive coarse hair. Or pay $15 to rent a bed for a couple hours.
• Attempt to discern anything from the Japanese newspapers and magazines scattered throughout the airport
• Try to listen to your iPod which after being engulfed in sand, mud, salt water, and rain has the battery life that barely makes it through "November Rain"